I have posed the following question before but this is a different context and it is interesting to look from this perspective. So…
What kind of gift would you get for someone if you were to try to match the proposed gift with ‘who they are’?
Do we immediately relate to the ‘have’ part of the self, like…what is his career, what is her status in the community, what are his qualifications and what things is she good at? Wouldn’t that be an accurate assessment of ‘who are you?’
The question was ‘Who are you?’ and not ‘What do you ‘have’ that has become recognized as who you are?’ Let’s go to the ‘before those qualities were developed’…got it? Remember, our challenge is to match a gift with the ‘who are you?.’
Now think about it. ‘Who are they?’ But, I know who my friends are. I watch them go to work every day. Weekends we discuss the office and children and news. Are you suggesting that we are not the stuff, diplomas, degrees, job titles, that we have spent so much of life being good at? Well, my own response to that is, ‘Is there more to a person than the stuff he has?’
If we asked the question like this…” What if we developed a medical condition that prevented us from doing all of last year’s stuff – have we suddenly lost our ‘who are we?’ If we stripped away all of our accomplishments and possessions, then who are we?”
We may not be sure and selecting a gift is getting a bit more complicated. Or confusing, right?
We have been trained from childhood to ‘be nice’ or ‘don’t argue’ or ‘get a good job and make your parents proud.’ We strive to be engineers, lawyers, nurses, mechanics, pilots and may even like the choice to a certain degree. It pays the bills and we are admired. We are delighted when our children find good careers and excellent remuneration, proudly proclaiming that they have ‘found themselves’ or have ‘discovered their calling.’
What is it that we were born already programmed to express? What is contained in our acorn? What if it was something like ‘humility, authenticity, integrity, adventure, freedom, harmony, vulnerability, intensity’ or other distinctions?
Get the picture? Okay, now go shopping. Just kidding. My words, in themselves, are not about to change anything. It is a mere mental exercise, but it could make a difference in how we act towards each other if we treated it as ‘in a world of possibility, who are we?’
At a time of year when we wish others well and hope for peace on the planet, it matters that we address everyone as who they are at their core. If we congratulate them on ‘who they are not,’ and they continue trying to be nice and are so accepting of our good wishes that they continue to do what they don’t love, doesn’t that just generate inner turmoil? What happens to the ‘’tis the season to be jolly?’
If ‘who I am’ is ‘vulnerability’ then you can see why I am the way I am. Perfect! I can give you more space to be vulnerable in your own life and understand your concerns about it.
What a way to begin a New Year, with more compassion and love for others than we thought possible! The beauty is that people respond in a totally different way when appreciated for ‘who they are’ than from being seen and described as ‘things that they have.’
Who Are You? That is a question that matters.
Rich