It is 3:30 a.m. and I am wide awake. Not a surprise since I do this often. I understand that many people wake up at this time in order to meditate. I don’t want to ‘clear’ my thoughts away, however.
This is actually one of my favorite times of day…or is it still night? I call it a new day. Now, I wouldn’t set my clock to awaken me at this hour…you can only take ‘favorite’ so far!
It isn’t that I’m now all charged up and ready to tackle this day…that’s all about DOING something else, as if this early morning’s reverie isn’t acceptable.
As I lie in bed, I’m not in total darkness. The room is filled with the yellowish aura coming from my little crystal salt lamp….shadows on the ceiling and the soft glow off the lamp provide just enough light to stimulate the senses.
I have somehow stitched together my dream world with my waking day and it is quite calming to sink deeply into the inbetween. Now I need to go where it takes me!
It feels like I can create anything here, if I don’t push it…….ah, the Muse of Creativity, is that where you hide? Are you always present, just out of sight? Do you wait for me to loosen the bonds I use to keep you close, so that you might now bind yourself to me?
Let me remain here among my mind castles! The welcoming solitude of this quiet interval may actually be my real world…or so I would wish. There isn’t anything to do but be with this exciting feeling of creativity……a very light feeling – almost likened to playing. Sure, why not!
As the creative thoughts pile up without assessment, as my mind takes flight and seeks to discover new places to travel, new ideas for contributing to my life, my community, my family, I need to resist all evaluations. This is not the time to accomplish or conquer anything but to just be here. At 3:30am, creativity isn’t about coming up with solutions to life’s commerce. Maybe we lose our creativity when we alter our thoughts towards, ‘working on our creativity’.
Right now I just want to stay with my fleeting thoughts in this creative other-world, let the thoughts bounce off the walls! It feels very real and oh, so satisfying!
Why cannot I bring this early morning newness into my whole day? To others, it might make me seem like a child. This would be an embarrassment. But it would be more authentic. There’s a thought! Could we look for our authenticity in our embarrassments? I think so.
Later in the day, I’ll be told to ‘get serious’ or ‘get real.’ I’ll have to put on a mask of survival in order to co-exist with those bent on having me be part of ‘the wheels of commerce.’
But for now, maybe to take myself seriously, the real way is to let the mind play! Make believe!
Damn! My ‘mind boss’ is slowly stepping in to take charge! I feel it all slipping away.
Maybe I need to return myself to sleep in order to re-awaken once again into that magical, wonder-filled, judgment-free dimension of what I wish to be my real life.
No, that might appear like an attempt to escape. It might be more important to share some of those bizarre 3:30am thoughts with others, and let the chips fall where they may.
Could we do that? Really? That might bring us closer to a sense of ‘who we really are.’
That would also allow others to do the same. Others? Wow!
Now, that would really matter.
Rich