It has been a time of mental turmoil, these past few weeks. Five persons from my circle of friends have passed away. I have tried so hard to put words together to express what I feel. The truth is, I’m not sure exactly how to sort out all my emotions these days.
I wanted my thoughts to express perfect responses to their lives in order for them to be seen as having been significant. These were friends, after all, and deserve the best I could give. But I seem to be stopped, caught up in questions of Why? Why now? Why them?
I remember reading somewhere that when we are stuck this way, perhaps it is because we are trying to use thoughts and words other than our own.
Or as someone else said, ‘Some poems just don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have clear beginning, middle and end.’ I think that’s why I feel confused right now. I’m wondering if these folks had lived their lives fully, and inside their passion. That would matter to me if they had.
And now I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to say anything at all, without getting caught up in the wordage of the greeting card industry which tries to place a layer of veneer over life.
What matters for me seems to be the question ‘What is left in the room for others, after I have left?’ That’s how I am looking at their lives.
Would it be remiss of me to first call them all ‘ordinary’? That would allow me to keep them close, for we are all ordinary, are we not?
For now, I accept being ordinary, and will leave the ‘extra-ordinary’ conversation for the ‘possibility’ seminars. They have their place but right now it is important to just be present to the passing of my friends.
Speaking from this ‘community of the ordinary’ we can be truly authentic and for the time being, forget any attempts to elevate them in our eyes as compensation for them being gone. As if they have somehow lost and we are somehow winning….something.
So, what I am left with after they have ‘left the room’ is a deep introspective quest for ‘Who am I?’ It matters that I not confuse that question with an unspoken ‘Who should I be?’ I think we are all here in life with a gift that we share. Each gift is extra-ordinary in itself and important to the rest of us, because it allows us to create a community of sharing.
Ah, and putting this all together results in a community of equal and ordinary (extra-ordinary en masse).
Humbling. Appreciative. I think those are among the words I’ve been looking for today. My friends, while they were ‘in the room’ made it possible for us all to share the individual gifts we were given. What a legacy of ordinariness! They mattered a great deal and to honor them would be to be a part of creating a community where everyone feels safe to ‘be who they are.’
That would matter as a way to remember them and as a guideline for our own lives.
Rich