If I am invited to a ‘come as you are’ party, then who is it that I come as? No, no, I am told, it means to come dressed in what you are presently wearing.
Okay, but what about the ‘mask’ or ‘persona’ that I am wearing? I can keep the clothes okay and I need to know what kind of party it is. That will determine the mask I choose to wear. Strange, aren’t we? We still hide who we are.
I have heard it said that we live life looking for someone who knows who we really are. The importance of being known – how many lives are spent seeking that person, who will give the permission we believe we require in order for our true character to begin to live its life?
We speak of those who march to the beat of differing drummers. We even envy them. At least they have chosen. So many of us are still waiting for the drum beat that we hope others approve of.
Our soul’s story is in pause mode as we wait to see which drummer will be coming around the corner next.
So, who writes the individual’s soul story, anyway? If I do, why do I not really live it, if I notice that I am not? Why would I not enthusiastically embrace my own story? But, is it that easy? It’s perhaps more risky and much more confusing than simply embracing it.
I can feel myself subtly but relentlessly drawn towards this soul story of mine. I am beginning to see the banner in the distance, ‘Be true to yourself.’ But for now, it looks like an ominous invitation. Still, there are times when I want more of what I have glimpsed, and am unsure, perhaps afraid, to step out onto the skinny branches.
I still have not zeroed in on what the resistance is all about, or whether the path to the deeper meaning for my life depends on embracing that resistance. I remember a good friend once saying to me, “If you feel a knot in your stomach when trying to make a decision about something, then that probably is the appropriate direction to take – into the source of that resistance. Explore it and let it find its own natural way out of your life.”
Some time ago I accepted the invitation to participate in a workshop of discovery offered by who was to become a treasured friend.
‘For just a moment, in the presence of this wise person, this mystery woman, and within this community, I set all aside, and look inward with wonder and awe, as she requests.’
I had some major expectations attached to my positive response. They were not unfamiliar, however, as I had participated in other kinds of workshops of self-discovery. So, once again I felt on the trail of those elusive life answers, possibly to include the one that will finally matter. I hoped so. What was calling my life and I wasn’t hearing? And why not?
Ken Wilber, philosopher, says that we must pay attention to the actions of what he calls our ‘shadow.’
For every part of us that wants to follow a call, there is an equal and opposite part that doesn’t, and that part is served by our stasis.
The shadow is the exact opposite of whatever you consciously desire, like, feel, want, intend or believe. If you desire to succeed at a calling, there are also unconscious parts of you that don’t want to succeed. If you succeed, for instance, that very success will probably demand more and more of your time, time not spent with your family and friends, and part of you knows you’re going to hear about it! For many of us, that in itself is enough to have us postpone thoughts of anything besides maintaining the status quo.
By not following the call, you keep such conflict at bay. If you succeed, you may be burdened with your and others’ expectations of continued success. By ignoring the call, you avoid performance anxiety. If you succeed, you’re likely to draw increasing attention to yourself. If you don’t want the scrutiny, all you have to do is say NO.
‘To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying "Amen" to what the world tells you that you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive.’ ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Keep the soul alive. That is what matters most.
Rich