Some author once said something like, ‘Everything I write, places my own self at risk.’
In writing things that are to be read by other folks, I sometimes feel I should hit the Delete button instead of the Publish button. I often feel like I have stuck my foot in my mouth and wish I had said something more meaningful. That’s when I am not so sure about the survival of my ‘self.’
Sure, I believe that a person should speak his truth today and speak the opposite tomorrow, if his truth is different, tomorrow. I understand that one…having written many thoughts into this blog site. Of course, anyone can see, if they look closely, that there is a certain amount of ‘caution’ in how some of my words are presented…..just to diminish a part of that risk?
So, what is this ‘self’ that is being at risk? I like to think that each one of us has a story inside of us that seeks to be told. The only reason we do not tell our story publicly is that we are afraid of what others may think of us if we do. So the ‘self’ that is at risk is the ego or some variation of that concept. The ego wants itself to survive. Survive what?
Among the things to survive are ‘the need to be considered right’ ‘the avoidance of domination of other persons and things’ and more if we would look. The ego is not good or bad, but just doing its job.
Probably another way to say it is that what is at risk is ‘looking good.’ We are afraid of looking bad if other folks hear our story.
It isn’t that we have some bad stuff to tell, but for some of us, it might be that our story may sound very boring. Therefore our life would be exposed as boring, and the years are going by. So the question becomes, ‘when will we begin to live the life we promised ourselves we would live ‘someday’? What we say or write may expose us as being mere understudies on the stage of our own lives, (if I may use myself as an example).
However, when I listen to others ‘tell themselves’ through their story, I always get a glimpse of parts of my own life and usually get an insight into what can be valuable for myself. That is a gift of which they are unaware. They have suddenly become a very important part of my own life. And there is a dilemma…for them. If I try to make them aware that they are that important a contribution to me, they do not believe me or to be more accurate, they are reluctant to let themselves believe me in case I am right.
It’s a new year, so what is it that I am trying to say here? Let’s just say I am speaking into my mirror, okay? It is the time of year when we are trying to make connections with those who are not as close as we would like them to be. Perhaps they keep a certain distance in order to not be fully ‘exposed.’ Is that their individual risk? It is that way for me, if we have shared our hopes and aspirations for each new year, since many of those hopes have included some increase in material worth.
You see, we have been well-trained to think that, to connect, requires some ‘stuff’ or ‘possessions’ behind which we can hide. No additional stuff means a diminished worth. What gets missed or suppressed? Perhaps the real ‘who we are’ gets missed.
If given the choice, the real ‘who we are’ would set aside all the stuff and speak the words which are tearing at our heart strings, words that matter, really matter. For most of us, those words begin with ‘I love you,’ and until we can say and hear those words, our story will remain hidden.
Rich