Okay, I gotta speak out a bit here…..heck, I might even send a wrong message, have a hidden agenda, etc. but here goes…..
I’ve been told…it was an opinion….that I have a hidden agenda…..that I am sending messages and need to ‘come clean’. Sometimes I do, as a matter of fact, seem to send various messages……it isn’t only a guy thing, by the way!
But that brings up this whole issue.
I was listening to a news reporter recounting one more time how some person, judge, or agency had ‘sent a strong message’. What it was about doesn’t really matter…..but the idea that a message was sent is an interesting notion.
There is much talk about getting tough on crime, etc. and judges, the police, politicians, the Income Tax Agencies, etc. are exhorted to ‘bring down the hammer’ since not doing so would send a strong message, or slamming ‘certain selected elements’ is needed in order to send a strong message.
Interesting that these people also need to explain the message they think they are sending, isn’t it? Why is that?
Just maybe the message they are sending isn’t really the message they are sending, even with their explanations?
Huh?
It might be of value, once in a while, to ask the recipients of those ‘strong messages’, not, “What message do you think I’m trying to send?” but instead, “What message did you really get?”
Closer to home, we could do the same exercise with our children, or work partners, or mates. Do we sometimes ‘ground’ our children to teach….or really to affirm (for ourselves) who is boss…for their own good (we usually add)?
Sometimes we act out of not knowing what else to do, but we do not include this in the message?
Listen to them and we may hear the real message we sent…..”My parents don’t care about my views.” Or “My parents are unfair, don’t trust me, don’t know me, treat me like I’m stupid, or (fill in the blank).” Or “The Government uses their power unfairly, using their own agenda, to suppress the public.” (I got that last message myself about the CRA, eh!)
Is that really what we/they meant to ‘send?’
One step further, we may now have to contend with the reaction to our ‘message.’ Of course, we then react by sending a ‘stronger message’ which is usually similar but with more teeth. Now we’re defending our right to send any message! Maybe that’ll smarten them up………we think!
Our last resort is to send the ‘strongest’ message and now we cannot back off….it is a new game of saving face.
Now we have our vicious circle created and off we go……on a larger scale, maybe to war!
What is missing in the whole scenario? Authenticity!
Putting all our cards on the table, up front, may be the thing that matters the most!
In telling the truth, if we’d say what is going on with us or what we really hope to gain with our ‘messages,’ and checking what was heard on the other side, we’d have a better chance of creating an environment where we are in alignment with each other.
Rather than creating new barriers, we’d create a working partnership where we at least understand each other.
Understanding each other…..now that would really matter! Would sure make a difference if we gave all of us some room to communicate without having to protect our need to ‘being right!’
Rich