So many folks on the TV and out in the world having to say ‘I’m sorry’ for so many things these days. I don’t want to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, and though ‘sorry’ is a good gesture, is that enough?
I’m not talking about dragging things out forever or trying to be a victim of sorts, or even trying to dominate the circumstances. But my own experience of being around people telling another they were sorry, seemed somehow to be a bit shallow and incomplete, no matter how much sincerity was put into the specific expression of being sorry.
How many times have we parents insisted that our children apologize to others for incidents that we apparently were more averse to than they were? It’s okay to teach the youngsters what society has considered are appropriate boundaries of language and social interaction, and taking the steps to set things right when those boundaries are overstepped. But saying “I’m sorry.” Does that make everything okay again? We would like to think so, and we are missing something that matters.
The thing is, saying ‘sorry’ is often more about us looking proper for others, the spectators, than about the intended purpose of the whole exercise. I remember a time when someone stomped on me and was told to apologize. He actually told those others that he was sorry for his action, and suggested that the case was now closed. Huh? It was suggested to me that this was all that should be required. So, what was missing for me, (and him) that would have made a huge difference in our friendship? And the same goes for all the public apologies happening everywhere……
‘I am sorry’ is all about the deed doer, and it may take some kind of courage. To include ‘the one offended’, though the offense may be minor, what is truly missing is ‘asking him or her for forgiveness’ and also ‘asking what can be done to clean up any mess that the deed may have caused.’ And then willingly listening for the answer.
No, it isn’t about asking forgiveness of some deity. They weren’t involved.
It isn’t about saying ‘sorry’ to the whole community in general, as you disappear over the next hill.
Asking for forgiveness is where real communication, and being part of community all begins. Why? Because the answer to the ‘asking’ might sometimes be ‘No.’ Then what? What matters most is what happens next.
Rich