Oliver Wendell Holmes has suggested that ‘many people die with their music still in them.’ If he’s referring to the sounds I’m trying to produce with my piano, I agree. The music is still in me somewhere!
However, I don’t think he was referring to my attempts to play the piano, although he himself was a poet and writer of songs. I think he meant the part of our lives that I call our shadow, the part that is always there, but in the background.
Playing on his words as metaphor, I can relate to all of life as music, or vibration and notice how much of it doesn’t get played. While living one part of my life, I’m still trying to get another part in order, for later. I want to be able to live that part as well, and some of it has a time-consuming, learning curve.
But that’s still not what he is suggesting, is he?
What if I was to take a deep breath and from the heart, firmly state, “I ‘am’ the music.” Man, that’s an interesting one, isn’t it? That’s ‘being’ the music that Holmes is referring to! That’s like a declaration that I will participate in that very unique thing that makes my own soul vibrate.
James Hillman calls it the ‘soul’s code’. It’s your code, or my code. The music I need to live/play is my music, not anyone else’s. I could do a bunch of stuff in life and still die with my own music inside of me, and that’s the tragedy Holmes is referring to!
Society puts a certain emphasis on having us give up our lives for its own agenda. That’s how our usefulness gets measured, and we don’t notice what gets lost. Each of us has our own unique gift that the world needs. Expressing it might be the perfect thing to contribute, and provide much more of a difference than what society offers in exchange.
If I’m not ‘being’ my music, what happens to it? Ah, the shadow. Is that where it ends up, still waiting for its chance on the stage of my life? Does it just sit there quietly? So, ‘out of sight, out of mind’, right? Maybe not.
I know I cannot completely contain what I have pushed into the shadow. It keeps popping up in my mind, like an ‘if only’ or ‘what if?’ It becomes the part that has the most energy, has most control of my life, the most passion and therefore puts the most pressure on me for its expression. Sadly, it’s the part that I will ‘almost have lived.’
We drag a bag of this ‘music’ behind us, filled with all those ‘don’t do’s’ that our parents, friends, and others have encouraged us to place there because they don’t match what these folks want us to spend our lives on.
Or maybe they represent failures to accomplish something in particular, in life. Our life eventually loses its color, because all the color is in the bag. We live an inaccurate life in order to be considered acceptable, and this results in much of the anxiety, fears, depression, and other symptoms we mess around with.
Is this starting to sound too negative, or psychological?
Hope not. I am no shrink, and sometimes life changes can result from something as simple as looking down and noticing that while I have my foot on the gas pedal, at the same time I also have my other foot on the brake pedal!
We do not express what we want. Well, maybe I do……sometimes. Yeah, I have questions sometimes, but things are pretty good, so how can I know for sure if this isn’t just my mind checking options?
What if we were to take what we consciously believe we desire, or like, or feel, or want, or believe, and assume the opposite? Assume the opposite, but here’s the catch. It isn’t about looking for another ‘feeling good’ response in those opposites, but about whether it resonates, like it feels more authentically us. Just try it! Dance with the idea! Don’t think this refers to you? Fine. Do it anyway! It’s just a game. Lighten up! To connect with all parts of us, even what may be out of sight, maybe we need to let the crazy kid dance!
Now comes the most difficult part, but the most powerful. That’s because there is nothing to do now……but ‘just look’. Forget the assessments. Just see what surfaces. We might even begin to notice less pressure on the brake pedal! Don’t try to figure it out. Figuring it out was what put it in the bag in the first place!
By just looking, observing, seeing, I begin to notice the real me, in all its parts – the hidden, the conscious, as well as parts that I may have been ashamed of, or that I’ve hidden due to the pressures of society in all its forms.
There. That’s it! Nothing too complicated about it. But, easy? No way! And it helps if I have a few friends around, watching me in the process. They usually can spot the emergence of the ‘real me’ when I am still blinded.
Why the heck am I muttering on about all this, today?
Well, I have been listening to so many folks talk about uncovering the hidden lives of celebrities, politicians, anyone in the public and am quite aware of the efforts that many of us spend in creating various masks to hide behind, for various occasions. We spend huge sums of money on consultants of all sorts in order that they invent an ‘image’ for us to present to the world.
It is becoming obvious that we are forgetting to remove those masks from time to time, and have slowly forgotten who we really are.
Now, I’m twisting Holmes’ words a bit…..so, what is the ‘music that is still in us when we die?’ I am suggesting that it is all in the vibrations. Vibrations have no religious or political affiliation.
They include the heartbeat, or the beat of the unique soul. Add the sounds of love, of healing, of passion. There’s that quick intake of breath when you see the real you in the mirror, or you hear your child at play, or the ringing of the phone when you are expecting a loved one to call.
Of course there has to be included, the tones of musical instruments we have long put away, the sound of OM, chanting, drumming, songs of joy or sadness, and laughter, don’t forget the laughter! We always forget to laugh.
Living more true to ourselves matters a lot! It matters to others around us as well, maybe even more.
Are we on the same wave-length yet? Ha! Gotcha!
Rich