As my cheeks started to numb, I quickly retreat inside, choosing instead, a cup of hot chocolate and a warm fire. It is bitterly cold as the last remnants of a Western Canadian blizzard, now empty of wind and snow, unsure of invitation from neighboring provinces, firmly plants itself, deciding to linger for a few more days here in the foothills.
A good time to snuggle up in front of my fireplace. A little cluster of votive candles on the mantle, their tongue-like flames whispering soft pleas of hope and peace to the night spirits, as I search for reminders, seasonal decorations to enhance the season of joy.
Yes, it is a perfect evening for ritual. The healing tones and vibrations of my Tibetan singing bowls, room filled with the calming scent of lavender from the little brass pot-pourri pot.
It all seems to take me back many years, to little chapels and big cathedrals of incense and latin chants. I loved the latin. I was always lost in my own translations, inventing meaning according to my own inner turmoil or jubilation. Incense traded for the new purifying mist of sage, the chants as powerful but now coming from Native American mythology.
This is the time of year for looking at lists. Lists for sending greetings, for gift shopping, for seasonal planning, and unwritten lists of those who are no longer on my lists. Hm. Wonder where they went, those who do not belong on any written list.
It seems to be the way of life. Good times spent together, the way we felt about each other, the magical differences made by simply being in each other’s lives, these names linger. It certainly wasn’t about any shared wisdom. The world is full of that. It brings to mind the wise person who noted that, ‘after the years have passed, we will be remembered, not for what we have accomplished, but for how we made someone feel.’ I like that.
It is a good time for recalling all those who once were in my special community, my life being built and re-built, new distinctions, challenges of living out loud, more stubbed toes. There is so much to appreciate, remembering how much they mattered to me. Though life has taken them on their own separate journeys, they are very real tonight. It is an evening of re-living the sharing, the tears, the laughter, and the love. My god, how we loved!
The candles, the crackling fireplace, the tones of the bowls, speaking on behalf of those I still love. I am content. The cold outdoors has done it’s work tonight. My heart is filled with wonderful memories, a beautiful warmth, and that is what matters.
Rich